Day 3- Parents

When I think of the idea of parents I have to feel that my perspective is a bit skewed from the general reactions I hear from most other people when discussing this subject. Though I have never thought too in depth about my parents role in my life until right now, and I suppose this stream of consciousness typing does not make for much deep reflection either, I am quite aware that it is likely one of the most important aspects in shaping the current me. As I was saying earlier, when I hear people mention their parents it is usually in a negative light. At times parents are oppressors, a barrier between freedom and independence, another limitation that at times supersedes the boundaries society places on us. In other situations they serve as the equivalent of a canker sore, continuously irritating until you feel like punching it in the face. Still, behind all the anger and frustration I still get the feeling that most of us make concessions for our parents, either out of gratitude, love, or some feeling of obligation. Maybe not, but that's what I tend to observe. Maybe my dependency also skews my perspective.

Anyhow, at one point I had two parents. Actually, most (all?) people did at some point. However, the majority of my adolescence, perhaps all of it depending on who you ask to define the term, was spent in a single parent household. When I was still in elementary school my dad died from cancer, meaning the house was then occupied by my mother, brother, dog, and me. I think, perhaps too much, about my relationship with my father. Not having the advantage of time I cannot help but feel it was not fully fleshed out, an aborted fetus if you will, though the memories I have are all positive. But this does not stop me from wondering how things may have been different in the present. It's easy to like a kid, your kid, but what about now? How would that relationship be? What could I have done better? How would I be different? Changed? Would this blog even exist? All unanswerable, obviously, so I should not dwell on them too much, but these questions also drive the current me in some regard. I still feel these attachments to my father even though, just as he may not have known me, I do not know how well I knew him. I love my dad, of that I am certain, and whatever almost infantile relationship we had I will continue to cherish.

The rest of my entry will, or probably should, be dedicated to my mom. I struggled to provide specifics of my relationship with my dad because of underdeveloped memories, while I seem to have the exact opposite problem. Since I grew up the majority of my life with my mother I have an overabundance of memories and a seemingly endless spring of gratitude. My mom is, without a doubt, the person I am most grateful for in the entire world. Unlike some people I do not think that I was all that much of a handful whilst growing up, so I probably would not need to thank her for putting up with my throughout my haphazard youth, I do feel as if I should thank her for being there for me in the later years of my high school education and throughout college. I know none of that was easy, and I don't think my personal disposition helped anything, but every time I needed someone to be there I knew I could call and have someone willing to listen. My mom works so hard, she sacrifices so much for both my brother and me, and for that all the superfluous adjectives in the world are unable to describe my appreciation, love, and gratitude.

But above that I am most grateful that around my mom I feel as if I can be myself, or as close to myself as I am aware. I don't have the pressure to be filtered, I don't need to keep anything secretive or hidden, and while I am not always 'open' with her (nor am I with many people, which is a fault I try to correct as best I can) I can talk about anything I want to without having to worry about literally anything. I can tell jokes, act any way I want, just not have to worry. I don't know why I worry with other people, I know I shouldn't, but with my mom I can just be. Actually it probably would do me better to be the 'me' that most readers are familiar with when I am around my mom. Maybe that's the balance I should reach for all the time. Regardless, I appreciate everything my mom has done for me, and continues to do for me on a daily basis. As I get older and get farther away from home that dynamic changes, it has changed each year, it continues to change, but I don't see that gratitude ever changing. Thanks for everything, mom.

And thank you for reading.

Tomorrow's topic: Siblings!

Rich